I Let Go
by CharCorvin
Summary: Hermione's letting go, can Draco stop her?
1. Chapter 1

A/N: The song is "I Let Go" by Eighteen Visions, I wish I'd made it up.

Draco ran from the Malfoy Mansion, he could feel the bruise already building on his pale skin. He turned on the spot, and felt his feet leave the wet pavement.

_I need to find her,_ he thought, _I need to find Hermione._

He walked briskly away from his apparation spot, taking care to notice if anyone was noticing him. Instead of finding himself outside of a library, like he expected, he was outside of a large white house…where apparently there was a party going on. He walked up the front step, pausing when a girl saw his black robes and swollen eye. He looked down sheepishly, shrugged off his robes and discarded them behind a bush.

Draco realized that nobody here was going to assume he was a wizard, so he tried his best to blend it. He was inconspicuous in his blue jeans and black t-shirt…but his hair shone bright compared to the mass of dark that surrounded him. A boy approached, looking fairly out of sorts.

"Hey! You look like you need a drink!"

It was the first time in his life that Draco was greeted halfway warmly. The boy thrust a plastic cup, filled with some frothing amber liquid, into Draco's hand.

"Thanks," he said, sounding unsure of himself. "I'm looking for someone, think you could help me?"

The boy, however, had disappeared to offer a pretty girl with black hair another drink.

Draco wandered through the house, noting the number of kids and the fact that not only were they defiantly not drinking age; also none of them were Hermione.

_I must have the wrong house._

Suddenly, he heard a band start up in the basement. A voice filled the air. It was harsh, and jagged, a girl voice. And he knew just who it was. He walked down the stairs and found her, smiling at the boy playing guitar.

"Enjoying the show?" Harry appeared at Draco's side.

"Not yet," he replied, shaking his hand. "I've come back for her."

"I figured," Harry walked away. "Good luck."

Hermione's voice cut through him. He would have been disappointed if she'd had a sweet, girly singing voice. The sound assaulting his ears was painful, full of angst and sadness.

"_Could you, maybe? Stop this from happening._

_I know it hurts but you don't have to walk away. _

_I don't why I wanna stop myself from feeling low_

_I don't know why lies know my name and lies I show_

_I don't know why I wanna stop myself from feeling low,_

_I don't know why, I even try."_

"_I can't be that way when my life looks this gray so_

_I let go, I let go."_

"_I don't know why I wanna stop myself from feeling low_

_I don't know why lies know my name and lies I show_

_I don't know why I wanna stop myself from feeling low_

_I don't know why, I don't know why I even try."_

She might as well have been sitting in a room alone with him and blurting out all her feelings. Draco's face flamed red as he realized that Harry could hear ever word of this. Draco was going to be killed for hurting her this much.

"_I can't be that way when my life looks this gray so _

_I let go, I let go_

_I can't be that way when my life looks this gray so _

_I let go, I let go."_

He stayed out of her eye line. He kept his head down, knowing that his blond hair would be a giveaway. Someone pushed him, he caught sight of Potter walking away. Hermione's dark eyes locked onto his own silver. She slowed up in her song. She faced him, singing to him.

"_I've gotta leave it alone this time or I'll wallow in my mind,_

_I've gotta leave it alone this time or I'll wallow in my mind."_

She may as well have Avada Kedavra'd him on the spot for how terrible he felt. She was certainly letting go. Letting go of Draco, anyway. So he gave her a knowing glance and disappeared into the masses.

"_I can't be that way when my life looks this gray so I let go, I let go._

_I don't understand why clouds sit on my head, it looks like rain,_

_I feel shame."_

She looked for him after the show, only finding Harry. They walked outside together, in the path lay an umbrella and a note.

_It looks like rain._

_DM_

Thunder rumbled overhead.


	2. Chapter 2

The song is Stay With Me by Finch (Check 'em out!)

She felt him at her back before she turned around to confirm it. Harry gave a nod of recognition and apparated away. Hermione turned to look at Draco.

"Your eye," she said rushing toward him. He took a weary step back.

"It's nothing."

"Get in," she unlocked the car. Draco walked to the passenger side.

"Where are we going?" He asked, half frightened of where she would take him.

"Home."

The rain came down.

_Once again your eyes, make it hard to say goodbye_

_So I'll just keep driving_

"_Where do you want to go?"_

_It doesn't really matter_

_As long as you are here with me._

"Was it him," Hermione asked. Knowing he didn't want to hear the name Lucius right now.

"Yeah," Draco answered as he watched the muggle houses rush by.

"Want to talk about it?" She looked in the rearview mirror, trying to wipe off some eyeliner.

"No." He said, sharper than he intended. He softened, "I forgot that you sang."

"Just for fun. I used to be a muggle you know." She tried to lighten the mood.

Hermione looked back at the road, Draco watched her.

"Why did you leave?" They asked at the same time.

_There's something in the air tonight_

_Something that makes me fell alive _

_What were the words that you said to me_

_That made me feel so special?  
_

"Draco, I just…" she paused. "I don't know. I couldn't face everyone. After everything we've had to go through together. For them to find out…"

"I saw Harry tonight, he didn't look surprised to see me at all, Granger." He resorted to her surname to strike a point.

"You think we can make this work?"

"No," he answered honestly.

"Why did you leave?" She ignored him.

"We would have been killed."

_Once again your eyes_

_Make it hard to ask you why_

_So I sit here knuckles tight_

_Hands against the wheel_

_Your head against the glass_

_And you mean so much to me._

"You didn't even talk to me about it. You just left!" she yelled.

"Hermione, please." He was clearly pained. "You've changed a lot. You used to be…shy. Now I'm almost certain you could take me down."

"I could always take you down," she smiled, remembering the time she'd slapped him.

"I want this to work." He muttered.

_Stay with me, cigarettes and open air_

_Hand-in-hand, and I said_

_Stay with me, 'cause every start that I see_

_Is brighter than the last._

The car came to a halt in front of a large split-level home. Draco could sense the Granger-ness coming off of it. They got out of the car. Hermione opened the door, expecting him to follow her.

"I can't. I want to," he looked on the brink of tears. "Desperately, I want to. But I can't."

"You made Head Boy, didn't you Draco?" She asked.

He was shocked by the abrupt question.

"Yes, I am." Then he realized her point. "You're Head Girl."

"We're going to have to figure something out…we'll be living together."

"I'll stay out of your way," Draco said.

"I don't want you to stay out of my way," she rushed toward him. "I want you to stay with me."

"We can't work, Hermione. No one would understand. Harry might just be a fluke. When we're alone, we're perfect. But we don't work in the real world." He kissed her softly on the cheek and apparated away.

_So stay with me._


	3. Chapter 3

The song is "When I Remember" by Blindside.

It took nearly all of Draco's self-control not to contact Hermione for the remainder of the summer. Sure, he might've popped into her general vicinity to make sure she was alive and walking around, but besides that...

He'd made his way back to Malfoy Mansion slowly. Staying a few days with Blaise, before moving on. His father was away when he returned. His mother fawned over him, mending his eye quickly before ushering him away to get fed and cleaned up.

"Where'd you go?" she asked him at dinner.

It was the night before he was due back at Hogwarts.

"I just needed to talk to someone. I stayed with Blaise for a little while, mother."

"Draco, my son, you know I only worry for your safety. It's love, isn't it?" she asked.

He dropped his fork, letting it clatter to the ground. He was unable to make eye contact with her.

"Love, I don't know." He spoke quietly to himself.

"The girl, the one you mentioned years ago. I thought it was petty jealousy…but you wanted to be as good as her, didn't you?" Narcissa asked.

"Better, mother." He said seriously. "I wanted to be better than her. But I know now that I'll never be."

"Draco," she moved closer to him, giving him a motherly hug. "I don't want you to follow the Dark Lord. It's the wrong choice for a boy like you. I can protect you from your father," she tenderly touched his eye. "You need to return to Hogwarts. If you want to be with her, then be with her. Make a choice."

"She made the choice ages ago, mother."

"Did she now?" Narcissa smiled. "And yet she graciously accepted your presence?"

"That's not the point. She's a nice person. I hated her, mother. I truly did. Then she hit me…knocked some sense into me, I suppose."

"You told us you fell down," Narcissa said laughing. "You got beat up by a girl? A girl you love, no less?"

"Alright, alright," he blushed crimson. "Let it go."

"You'll see her tomorrow, she made Head Girl, correct?" Narcissa kissed her son goodnight. "You never know what tomorrow will bring."

_That boy is gone_

_Sometimes I miss the way he wept at night_

_To be still and not run_

_To be rocked to sleep in your light_

_These days there is not much that will bring tears to my eyes_

_But when I remember who I am and who you are_

_When I remember._

It was true, Draco thought as he headed towards his room. He'd be seeing Granger soon. Sharing a living space with her no less. He'd imagined it while they were together, their stolen moments that caused him more happiness than anything he could remember. He'd imagined it would be bright, but then after seeing her at the party, perhaps darker was better. He thought back hard, he'd never imagined that side of Hermione. The _muggle_ half she kept hidden away. Harry seemed to deal with it just find, why was Draco finding it so hard to accept?

_Because she isn't the innocent you thought she was,_ his mind answered him.

But she was, more innocent than him to say the least.

He tried to punch his pillow into a more comfortable shape, finally giving up and laying it to his right. He slowly closed his eyes, wishing it was Hermione lying next to him. He drifted off.

_I am walking blind_

_So distracted that I don't even feel when you hold me_

_When did I grow such thick skin_

_You are my sunshine and rain_

_My joy and sweet pain_

_I'm a spotless stain._

Hermione sat looking out her window. Begging for any trace of Draco Malfoy. But she knew, like she had when he left the first time that he wouldn't be back. He'd left her again, just as she had feared. _Protect you,_ he said. She didn't need protection. Only from him, only from the pain he'd caused her. She did, however, not that she would ever admit it…need him. She needed him desperately. She thought back on their first encounters, all the way up to the moment that Draco admitted what had been bothering him.

They'd received Detentions for bickering in McGonagall's Transfiguration Class. Scrubbing the trophies without magic.

"_This is your entire fault, Malfoy." She'd said with utmost loathing._

"_I'm sorry, alright?" he answered, uncharacteristically._

"_Are you okay?" She asked. She stopped scrubbing a large trophy and looked at him. "You don't look so good."_

"_I'm okay," he replied, looking lost._

"_Malfoy," she began._

"_I don't like fighting with you, Hermione." It was the first time he'd ever used her first name. "I don't like it and I don't want to do it anymore."_

_The clock struck midnight and he bolted for the door, she rushed after him._

"_What in the name of Merlin are you on about? You love fighting with me."_

"_Interesting choice of words," he replied, trying to lose her._

_She rolled her eyes and turned away from him. She made it to Gryffindor Tower before realizing that the Fat Lady had left and she'd be stuck outside all night. She heard a short cough behind her._

"_What do you want, Malfoy," she asked, sitting down against the door._

"_I want to apologize. For the detention, I mean. I was being honest when I said I didn't want to fight anymore."_

"_What's happened to you?" She stood up and approached him._

"_Don't- I mean. It's nothing, it's just pointless for me to waste my time on you."_

_She rolled her eyes again and flopped down onto the floor. He watched her with interest as she opened a book and began reading. He sat down beside her._

"_Just leave me alone," she mumbled, trying to hide her teary eyes._

"_Hermione…" He wiped away a single tear. Then as if being burned by it, jumped away from her._

"_Filthy mudblood tears, right Malfoy?" _

"_No, yours…they're your tears." He said more to himself._

"_You're a pompous arse and I'd like nothing better than for you to leave."_

"_Maybe I can't. Maybe I don't want to."_

"_And why," she looked up, her face shining with tears. He turned away. "Why would you not want to?"_

_He scrunched up his pale face and turned around quickly._

"_Because maybe I care about you!"_

_That boy is gone_

_But nobody move me like you do_

_When I remember._

She didn't believe him. The Fat Lady returned a few minutes later and Hermione had run through the portrait for solitude. It certainly explained the fights that he picked with her, that only took place when another boy was around. Malfoy was jealous.

But then he'd thought about their future together, a future that would be ruined because of the war. He would be expected to fight on the Dark Side, while Hermione would be a high ranking officer of light. So he'd left her with a note, much like the one he'd left on her car. This, even though it was written weeks ago, was clutched in her hand. The downpour began during their drive and didn't seem to want to go away. She was used to London being rainy, but this was no coincidence. She looked back at Crookshanks and her trunk. Soon she'd return to Hogwarts. Soon, she'd have to face Malfoy all over again.

_A cloud moves in, rain falls, thunder strikes_

_And sunshine breaks through the clouds_

_I can cry out of sorry and joy_

_Every drop of rain turns into a crystal in the sun._

The train whistle blew. Malfoy stood by his mother, glaring silently at the train.

"It won't be so bad," she reasoned. "You'll get to see her again, right?"

"That's what I'm afraid of."

"Just talk to her, you can explain everything away."

"I can't, I don't want to tell her, mother."

"You'll have to, it's only fair. No son of mine will hide things from the people he loves. I know you better than that."

"You raised me better than that," he corrected her.

"Let's hope so."

The whistle blew again.

Hermione looked out the Head compartment, she could see Malfoy talking to his mother. He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and disappeared onto the train. Hermione hadn't gotten any sleep the night before and before he even made it into their compartment, she was out. He covered her quietly with his cloak and settled down with his thoughts.

A few hours later, he woke her gently.

"Hermione," he said quietly. "We're almost there."

She loved the feel of his warm hand on her shoulder.

"Ten more minutes," she mumbled.

He smiled.

_So wash my eyes, my clothes, my skin, my bones, my soul_

_My feet, my love_

_I'm not forgotten_

_I'm in your thoughts 'cause I feel sunshine in the rain._

They changed into their robes and escorted the first years to Hagrid. After a long dinner and Dumbledore's speech, they made their way to their own private dorms. Malfoy immediately headed to his own room, locking himself away. Hermione looked around, finally decided she'd like a shower after her long day.

She pulled her bathrobe out of her trunk and headed towards their shared bathroom. She pulled out a towel and undressed, just as the door flew open.

"Malfoy!" she screamed covering herself up, she turned toward him.

"Nothing I haven't seen before, Hermione." he chuckled slightly. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "You have a tattoo?"

She looked around, seeing that her back was reflected in the mirror. "Uh, yeah." It was a large, almost Celtic design that followed her spine from her neck to her lower back. "Just for fun," she muttered.

"Just for fun?"

"Muggles get them, it doesn't hurt much." She said.

"Maybe the muggle ones don't," he replied, pulling up his left sleeve. Hermione gasped as she saw the Dark Mark imprinted clearly on his pale skin. She reached a hand out, brushing it slightly with her fingertips, tears leaked slowly from her eyes.

"Oh, Draco…"

_To this day nobody moves_

_Nobody_

_Nobody moves me like you do._


	4. Chapter 4

You gotta love The Used, this is I Caught Fire.

* * *

Draco was unable to move. She had a firm grip on his arm, holding it back from wiping away her tears. But his free hand made no attempt at the gesture. He willed it to move, he willed himself to move, but instead he just watched her cry.

"Why?" she asked finally.

He couldn't answer.

He felt her pulling him back towards the common room. It seemed odd, after all they'd been through, that Hermione was comfortable enough to wear only a towel around herself. He thought about offering her his robe, but the words never made it out of his mouth.

"Why?" she repeated.

"I had to…he, Voldemort…said he'd kill my mom…" Draco mumbled out, not daring to look at Hermione.

"It's really over, isn't it?"

"What's over?" he asked confused.

"Your life."

Again, he had no answer.

_Seemed to stop my breath, my head on your chest waiting to cave in_

_From the bottom of my…_

_Hear your voice again, could we dim the sun and_

_Wonder where we've been_

_Maybe you and me so _

_Kiss me like you did_

_My heart stopped beating_

_Such a softer sin._

He didn't remember exactly when he broke into tears, but he was silently crying into Hermione's shoulder. She ran her fingers through his blond locks and down his back. He didn't know how long they sat like that, the room was growing lighter, he could tell. He sat up, eventually. Hermione had been crying too, although at the time he had no idea.

_And I'm melting in your eyes_

_Like my first time, that I caught fire_

_Just stay with me._

Draco looked her over.

"My mom told me to tell you, I didn't want you to know," he said childishly.

"I understand, Draco. Why didn't you come to me before?"

"I did. The reason my eye was bleeding that night, my dad hit me. I said I didn't want to be a Death Eater, I was punished." He finally met her eyes. "Hermione, I didn't want to. You need to believe me. I came to find you…then after everything. I knew…I had to get away. You were only making things harder."

"How? I hadn't even talked to you since you left me! You said you loved me and you left." The tears had started again. "You never loved me."

_Never caught my breath_

_Every second I'm without you I'm a mess_

_Ever know eachother_

_Trust these words are stones_

_Why cuts aren't healing, learning how to love._

"I had to leave!" He breezed by her remark. "Hermione they would have come after you if we hadn't stopped dating. A Malfoy with a muggle-born, it's blasphemy to them! I wanted to be good enough for you, Hermione. I left to figure out how to do that…I guess it kind of bit me on the arse."

"I'd say so." She sighed. "And now what do you want to do?"

"I want to ask for your help, to make things right again. To get rid of this Mark." He held out his arm again.

"Help me, Granger."

_You could stay and watch me fall_

_And of course I'll ask for help_

_Just stay with me now_

_Take my hand_

_Just stay with me now._

_In your eyes, let's sleep until the sun burns out_

_I'm melting in your eyes._


End file.
